Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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