How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
