Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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