After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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