Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
