But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
