I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
