Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
how drunk are you?
Several
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
