This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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