You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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