I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
