Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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