yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
