No stitches, just platelets and will power
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize