The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize