were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
