So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
