So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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