btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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