If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
