Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
