I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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