They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Damn victory sex feels great
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
