i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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