I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
