It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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