am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think people are normalizing furries
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
