i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
