I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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