PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
