I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
