He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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