i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
