my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
