Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
