She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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