it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
