why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
