he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
