Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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