dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
