i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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