YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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