she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
