I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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