Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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