i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
