You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
