erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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