I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
