just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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