This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
