Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
