dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize