I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
