i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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