I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize