was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
