When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
