Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
