I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
