u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
