is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
