Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
