I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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