The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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